What really influences how women spend, invest and behave with their money

As women who run our own businesses, manage a family and make self-care a priority we are all too familiar with relentless self-talk, that constant chatter that becomes our personal inner bullies.

It’s that continuous banter that goes on in our head. We beat ourselves up for every imaginable thing we could’ve done better or differently.  We are rarely kind to ourselves and we hardly ever give ourselves the credit we deserve.

Guess what? It’s no different with our finances.

It may go a little something like this….

“I should be saving more”,

“I can’t believe my debt is so out of control”,

“I have to get my finances in order, but I have no idea where to start”,

“I should’ve started that 401(k) at my last job”,

”I don’t understand investing” ….and so on and so forth.

Well here’s the thing, that story we have been telling ourselves, the one where we don’t know enough or anything at all, it’s total bullshit.

That’s called Your Money Story. It’s how we feel about money, what we believe about it, and how we use it. It’s the basis for every action or inaction around our finances. It’s what really influences how we spend, invest and behave with our money.

We don’t realize it, but our money stories start well before we even know what money is. Before we truly understand the value of it.

Most of us “learn” our money story from our parents.  

Some of us may have been blessed to have financially savvy parents who taught us all the DO’s & DON’T’S, therefore contributing to a positive money story.

But many us were not as lucky.

We learned, not because they taught us about money, but because we watched them.  

We watched their actions, struggles, occasional triumphs, and tragedies around money and we absorbed their behavior like sponges.

Some of us may have even made a conscious decision to be the total opposite of what we observed. But it all brings us here; our current relationship with it.

Your thoughts create your reality.

Henry Ford once said “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right. If we walk around entertaining this false narrative of limiting beliefs then we will never get away from the negative talk we keep having or the negative money story we keep living.

Our Money Story is a constant theme in our lives.

So how do we re-write it?

Here are 3 steps to re-write your money story:

1. Identify what our money story is.

A good place to start is by writing down your first experience that revolved around money and what your parents told you or modeled for you around money.  You may have to dig deep.

Is this hurting us or helping us?

My story has always revolved around scarcity.  We never talked about money when I was growing up.  I only knew that we didn’t really have much of it.  My mom was a single mother of two and worked all the time.  We always had the necessities, but the extras were few and far between.

I carried this with me into adulthood and when I started making money at 26, all I could do was spend to make up for that "lack of luxury" early on. BAD IDEA!

Not only did this behavior result in MANY ups and downs throughout adulthood and my career, but this mindset also created a love/hate relationship with money.

2. Embrace it!

Whatever has happened until this point is what it is! Accept it, acknowledge it, get rid of the shame around it and move forward.

We’ve all had financial missteps, but it is futile to consistently beat ourselves up for our past mistakes. If we can say that we have learned something from these experiences, then they were not in vain.

3. Choose to change it!

Let’s start by celebrating the smart and positive financial decisions we have made.  We have all done something right, so write ‘em down!!

Stop the negative talk.  Replace the “yeah, but” with “yes, I can”. Change the words in your story and you change your money mindset.

And rather than focus on the past, focus on where you want to be.  What does your Empire look like? REALLY envision this!  What does it take to get there? This will help you correct course and make different choices.

Applying these steps allowed me to have more of a love relationship with money.  When I finally chose to acknowledge, embrace, and change my money story, the trajectory of my financial situation completely changed.

This story has become so important in my continuous financial transformation that it was the catalyst for co-creating Divine WealthWise.

We can do this! We are strong, smart, courageous warriors. Our past does not define us. In fact, it’s only added fuel to our bad-assery!!

To help you envision your Empire, we have included a link to access our Powerful Guided Meditation.  

Create Your Empire. Your Way.

Valerie Sanchez is Partner and Co-Creator of Divine WealthWise.